It has been about two years exactly since I left the US and embarked on my Peace Corps journey in Africa. I just arrived back in Outjo this weekend from my COS (Close of Service) conference in Windhoek. I said goodbye to a lot of great people and discovered the date that I’ll actually leave Namibia, March 28 2012. While this time in my life comes with a lot of mixed emotions, I find myself in an eerily similar place to where I was when I began.

When I first arrived I was hesitant to declare all the reasons I decided to join the Peace Corps. I figured mostly that it was a big mix of things, but in actuality, I didn’t quite understand it then and I decided that it was something that may become clearer with time. It has become clearer with time, and while I won’t bore you with the list of reasons, I find comfort in this slow reveal as I begin on a similar journey to try to understand what these past two years have meant.

I spent the past few hours reading through old blog posts that I wrote in the first few months after arriving here. I was impressed by my foresight, amused by my naivety, and proud of the courage and determination I had. The trivial things that once so easily knocked me off-kilter seem laughable in hindsight. The foods, amenities, and comforts of home I dwelled on so much now baffle me as I am having trouble remembering what that felt like to be so dependent on those things. In short, things have changed.

On March 14^th 2010, I wrote about what my post-PC plans had been and how quickly my priorities had changed since arriving. I wrote about the most important thing to me now was being with the people I love. While I still stand by that previous statement (and I believe leaving home has had a major impact on how much I appreciate the people in my life), being here for two years and realizing that those who matter will always be a part of your life no matter where you are or how far away you go, has allowed me to continue to find my way through life without constraints. Though I never anticipated attempting to stay in Africa after my service, as I am now, I did find hints to the possibility that this place meant something more to me and has for some time.

An entry from February 19^th of 2010 alludes to my first impressions of South Africa:

The first thought in my mind after arriving in South Africa is that I missed this continent. There is just an overwhelming presence here that I’ve never felt anywhere else. It’s not really the smell, it’s not really the sounds, it’s not really the feel—it’s everything combined—and even though South Africa is about as far away as you can get from Egypt (and still be in Africa) I felt like I was returning to the same place again. The one thing I will say for sure is that the sky right after sunset, where the blues are striated and the palm trees really stand out, is exactly the same sky I remember in Cairo.

While my actual service bears little resemblance to the fantasies I had before I arrived, all of the life-altering, self-reflecting, core-challenging aspects I expected from this experience have come to fruition. I am a much more grounded individual. I have a greater idea of where I want to go in life and what I want out of it. My values have focused to a point where I can now gauge situations against them and gain a much clearer picture of what is best for me. The worldview I had before has become much larger and continues to long for further development. In summation, I have found an inner peace that seems ironic but feels all too destined to be a fluke.